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Where do I go from here? I wanted him to have a normal happy adult life with all the things that go with it; job, car, girlfriends, then wife, kids, career, fun and vacations. I feel for him. All we can do is love. I hope this has helped you. I want to be of help to you. To make it better. All I can do is try. Btw, your post made me cry because I could literally relate to how you feel and why.

There are people out there who get this. Alex, my husband of almost 33 years, has been in long-term care for a little over 3. He is only 63 years old. I feel terrible about my frustration, anger, and rage because it pales in comparison to what he is going through. It has become hard, so hard, to keep visiting him as faithfullly as I have been. I love him so much.

It has been so very hard to see the decline in his condition. He is very physically healthy and could easily live until his late sixties. A blessing and a curse. Ashamed to even put that into words. There is a whole lot more that I could write. Things have been very dark lately. But in the last few days, there has been a glimmer of hope. I wish I would have found this web sight 7 years ago. My mother was in a horse riding accident, broke her neck and has been a quadriplegic since. Grieving the loss of the person she was before that horrible moment. I am one of two siblings, but my brother lives miles away, so myself and my husband were the ones with all the responsibilities tending to her needs.

I also had two children in school at the time, and for the first two months after the accident I was physically MIA from my family, and I quit my job to be with my mom. No regrets of course, because its what needed to be done. But for years I was a total and completely mess. This is the first time I have actually felt connected to people who might understand the constant pain I feel in regard to the ambiguous grief over the loss of my beautiful daughter to mental illness.

I always thought we were very close. Her other three siblings all felt that I favored her. She had suffered a broken collar bone, had a lazy eye and had surgery, had to have braces, there was so much when she was little and I had to spend extra time caring for her. She was very special to me, all of my children are, but she needed a bit more. She became a difficult teen and put us through quite a bit. Over the years she had seemed to have matured greatly and my husband and I were very pleased with the wonderful young woman she had become. One day after a bit of drama, she was always very dramatic, she went off the deep end.

Until then, I had never believed in mental illness, I still cant believe that I lost my beautiful, charismatic, fun, helpful, caring and loving daughter to such a ridiculous thing as mental illness. She almost overnight, became so evil and mean and posted horrible and disgusting lies about me and our beautiful family everywhere she could on the internet.


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I am still in shock and pain, the pain never ends. This all happened five years ago, she disappeared from our lives completely and continually tells people she runs into that we are evil and awful and disgusting people. It hurts so much to be constantly abused by someone I love so much and I would never do anything to hurt her.

I just keep praying to God that she will be healed and see how her mind is lying to her and that she will remember the truth. I truly am grateful for the opportunity to share my perpetual pain and fear. I have a daughter eho is breaking my heart. Very similar story. Maybe we can support one another.

Thank you SO much. How incredible, just last week a student of mine introduced me to the concept of ambiguous grief and ambiguous loss. I had no idea it existed but I did know very personally what I was living. Living the loss of my lovely hubby. Late in he began to experience work place bullying in his full time place of employment. I watched the man I adored start to shut down and become increasingly absent from our home and hearts. As he spent 3 years fighting the bully it ate his personality and took his soul — he slipped into a deep deep depression. The warm kind and attentive father and the adoring husband was gone.

The man who smiled and gave thanks for his life — was no longer. The pain was excrutiating and I had no words to understand what I was experiencing. By that time he had not spoken to me for 2 years and then I called it. He moved out two years ago. He has recently returned to the city where we live — but he is not the man I loved. He has shut down emotionally — he lives behind a huge wall and shows no sign of coming out. He spends time with his children but there are always fights as they know their needs are not being met — dad is not there.

He has gone. This has been a horrendous loss for me and my family. Thanks so much. I love this post! I love the there is a name for the grief that I am going through. My mom is still here but after my dad died the mom I knew is no longer here. Its been a few years and not much has changed with her behavior. When I look at her its still my amazing mom that was always there for me. How do i begin to grieve her shes still here.

My son was shot completely through his head.

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March 28th Was not expected to live. The doctors said everyday for a month his brain stem would swell and he will die. For 2 and half years i have been forced in a panic state. Due to not knowing if he would live or die. No matter how much you try to prepare yourself.

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Every time I would get a phone call it felt as though my blood would leave my body. So many trips to the icu unit. I feel frozen in a state of panic and anxiety. My baby 33 is in a body that is mangled with spasticity. And I have no idea how much he is cognitively aware.

I came to the replies to share my story of my boyfriend, who was also shot in his head, April He suffered a severe traumatic brain injury and the entire right side of his brain was affected. He has left side paralysis, but is aware, can speak, communicate, laugh, and is still conscientious.. He is still bed ridden, but we are working hard in physical therapy.

He is a shell of himself. It breaks my heart every day. I know your son can hear you when you speak to him.. They need us, they will always need us, and they will always be deserving of it. Your son needs you, you might be the one thing keeping him sane for now. Is he responsive at all? Love and prayers for you, your son, and family. Your post resonated deeply with me. This is happening with me, and the grief is profound. This has helped me better understand it. My Daughter after 2 marriages and on her 41st birthday has told me she wants to live her life as a male.

She has refused to see me. Told me if I come to see her, she will call the police. I am at a total loss. Any Suggestions anyone? I really hope that you are willing to call PFlag. Many of the parents there are feeling the same grief that you are. Hello- I was an RN.

They are born the gender they truly are in the brain, with the tragedy of the wrong genitals. Your son is still your child, and alive! Because he is still who he was, only his eyes are now sparkly, not shaded and depressed. No words then for trans. The genitals form in the first wks of pregnancy: affected by so many things- genetics, receptors on or off correctly, wrong hormones, inorganic chemicals, etc. Newborns have over inorganic chemicals in their cord blood. The gender ID has been found in the brain, a white striated area, which is larger for males, smaller for females.

When tested, trans people matched up to what the size was for who they stated they are. There is also no societal acceptance for them to state they are male, and remain in the female body. There has been found an area of the brain called the cingulate. It is responsible for telling our brain where and how our body is oriented in space, walking, moving, etc. This to me is what tells them no! The kids who are trans are consistent, insistent, and persistent that they are a different gender. Surgeons used to operate the baby into a girl as of course this is more easily done.

Be sure to check out any web site you look at- there is one imposter hate group: The American College of Pediatricians. They have information to help you. Of course it does!! I send patience and love, may you make peace with this change. My best friend suffers with depression, bulimia, anorexia, and all the works.

I had to take her to the hospital recently and she was involuntarily admitted. She said so many hurtful things to me. She told me I was a terrible person, that only cared for myself and that I should walk out of her life like everyone else. I was so angry I was about to walk out. Then she said that if I walked out that door she would kill herself right then and there.

She hates me for taking her to the hospital. Our deep friendship may never recover from this. She hates me but at least she is alive. She may never see it from my perspective, but I have to be okay with that because I have no other choice. Grief is all too familiar for me. Im not gonna pretend that I have experience of bulimia or anorexia, but I just felt the urge to reach out to you and comment: You did the right thing. Sometimes if you love that person to death it means letting them go-maybe for a short while-for them to get better. I applaude your courage for doing that despite, it meaning you had to say a brief goodbye.

So Well done! You have suffered abuse at the hands of your close friend. The behaviors you describe very closely describe a classic case of borderline personality disorder. It sounds like her hospitalization was necessary.

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When someone suffers from bpd everyone they are close to suffers too. The good news is that there are treatments for bpd. It is very intensive and can take a long time, often years. If you need to let go of the relationship that is a legitimate response as well.

Peace to you. But its not for any of the reasons mentioned above. It because my boyfriend of 10 years has change. And i hate my life and have become severely depressed. Hello Tiffany my name is Tiffany also. But for this many years I hung on to the good parts but now even his fake love for me is fading. Ive complained and complained to no avail. Today Ive decided just to grieve. To let it be. We have to just feel it and let it pass. Good luck to you. Maybe we can keep in touch. Today we now have a great deal more multitabling tools and poker software than we did time a go.

I so identify with all of this. My daughter, diagnosed with a neurological brain disorder Schizophrenia, a disorder in need of reclassification from behavioral, mental illness, i. Coping ways and support are a godsend, and focusing on gratitude for what positives there are. What about grief over a divorce?

The death of a marriage. A divorce i didnt see coming. Although, in hindsight, i should have seen it coming as when we got married, we didnt stand a chance. We had no foundation to build on. No communication skills. We were doomed from the start. I didnt read allllll the comments so i dunno if this was already talked about. I am stuck in the pain. In agony.

Trying to navigate all his lies. My little sister, who was once my very best friend, married a very physically ill man and I believe started abusing his pain meds. She became very paranoid and a conspiracy theorist and I believe she may have had something to do with our fathers death. She moved my mom far away, took away her phone and access to the outside world. I was diagnosed with 2 types of cancer and she convinced my mom who is in early stages of dementia that I was was faking for attention and money and has cut off all contact with me and my children.

It has been so profoundly sorrowful to lose my family while going through this awful disease. I am so depressed from debilitating treatment and cannot fathom what has happened to my family. I am afraid the pain of all of this loss is going to make it impossible to heal from cancer. When I told my mother she initially took it on board and confronted my stepfather but after he fed her stories and pretended to try and commit suicide she turned on me and called me her enemy. My stepfather served a prison sentence for what he had done not only to my sisters but also to his daughters from his first marriage but as soon as he was released my mother went back to him.

Up until the point when I had told her I had had a close relationship with my mother and siblings however since it has been strained. This is what I feel. That man was considerate, loving, honest, and gave his family his best. I grieve the loss everyday that I look at him. I know that will be straight hell but so is this.

I think living with a person your grieving is hard because somehow you keep waiting for the person you knew to reappear. I am right there with you. He shows no emotion or remorse and goes about his days with his soul still in tact, whereas I can barely function. But I am aching for that good man to come back to me and just hold me in my grief.

Stockholm syndrome…. My name is Vince and I have been grieving for 45 years. My father passed away when I was 10 years old at Christmas Christmases became non existent as I now understand my mother must have grieved alone at this time of year whilst my brother and I tried to enjoy ourselves alone …… Fast forward to Christmas Mum passes away within 2 days of Dads death anniversary, we think deep down she knew the relevance of the time of year.

This year my father would have been He is gone now for as long as he lived. Our large family of aunts, uncles, cousins stopped communicating. How I wish to receive 1 Xmas card from my Uncle Fred who turned 80 last year unbelievably his birthday is the same date my father died and I never knew. We went to his party, it was magical. Mum moved me away from my growing up friends when I was 12 as she did not want to live in the same town where Dad had died. Grief for the loss of all my friends at that age.

This is what I feel has caused me to be a so called loner. I have never liked Christmas for these reasons and mostly spent them alone where and when I could, and I despair celebrating with my partners family as I know I could, and can never do this with my own family. I try to put on a brave face but deep down it really hurts. Grief for what I never had. This is now getting stranger because my older Aunt is now in a Dementia Care home aged 85, and she always tells me I was her favourite ….

I am now grieving for these 2 who at the moment are still living and am desperate to see them more regularly than I can. Emotionally I am so pleased to have found this website and now understand that my moods, depressions over the years have been some form of grief or another. I have never had anyone to talk to. I can talk to my Aunt now and am blessed that due to her illness the conversations are short lived and repetitive! Mum once accused me of being Weak like my father because he died young, this was uncalled for and now lives with me every day.

Thank you for your time in reading this. I feel your grief, I grieve for a family who I have never met, and have had minimal contact with all my life. Reading your comment gave me shivers. My dad is 80 and is now suffering from multiple organ failure, and is now in his final stages in hospice. I too have never had much contact with my dads side of the family due to time difference we live in New Zealand, his family in Kingston Upon Hull, Yorkshire.

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What really struck me about your comment is he too has a brother named Fred, a brother named Ron and a sister in care whose name is Barbara all around the same ages. What a small world we live in, and I hope your grieving gets easier with time. I am scared of my son. He tells me fantastic lies. He spent a few hours today. Jumped from one lie to another.

I was exhausted after he left. I was talking to my sister and told her some of the lies , mood swings, wouldnt really listen to me. I would start to say something and he would cut me off all he the time he was here. I know his eyes are very dilated. He told me it is due to his meds. He kept saying the results are worth the side effects.

He started coming around , I was so happy to see him. But again I am scared of him. He just got out of jail. I think he pretends to try and have a mother son relation so he can get Money etc from me. I just know after he left I locked all the doors. I am 78 ,he is in his middle 50s. My sister told me, he was high. I wish he would stay away. I really think he loves me but I really think, he also hates me. I was doing very good till he got out of jail, he came to my house the same day he got out.

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After he left today , I questioned my own sanity. Telling me lies and stating most of the time that I was involved in the things he was saying. Stated one time when he was driving my car and a lady hit us do to sudden ice roads that my insurance gave him a settlement to give to me.

I told him I have never had that amount of money he claimed he gave me from my insurance co. I wanted to ask him why would my insurance give him money to give to me. I was afraid it would escalate to something ugly. Oh my goodness that is so so awful. Please please. They can help you in all sorts of ways. I so hope that you call them and get some support. Im 17, im scared of losing my parents, brother, friends but most of all im scared of dying myself, i cry everyday thinking about it and it makes my life terrible. Im not suicidal, i just feel alone already with everyone around except a few relatives that have passed.

Why do i feel sad and cry, but have the feeling that if i died i wouldnt be missed, that i would be forgotten. I want to talk to someone about this, but counselors and others just say are you suicidal, or stop joking around. I dont joke on this. I dont think people really listen to me, its like it goes through one ear and out the other, without another thought. I go everyday feeling like one day closer to another death in the family, and another long period of time with that one special someone gone. I need advice, help or someone to talk to Thank You for reading, not many people do.

Hi Brendan, I am sorry to hear that you feel like this. I do hope you are enjoying nice holidays with your loved ones. Life can be tough at It is an age where we are growing and developing ourselves, but things and peopel can appear distant or very confusing. I think every teenager feels misunderstood and like they can be missed. I think the key thing is to focus on yourself. Find a hobby or sport that you like and become good at.

Happiness comes from within, not from the external world around us. Also the food we eat is important to our mood. Quit the sugar and processed foods as this will only make you feel more sad. Eat healthy, focus on yourself and be disciplinesd about a sport and you will see the changes that you will start creating for yourself. Ik how you feel and you are not alone, I felt that way at your age and sometimes still do.

Their grief is also ambiguous in nature. For them, grief becomes a limbo state while they wait, sometimes for years, sometimes for an entire lifetime, to know if their loved one is dead or alive, hurting or healthy. This is one of the websites I often refer families to, to help them learn to live with their grief on a daily basis. Losing children through direct intervention from the other parent is so incredibly painful, I am at a loss to even try. And then there is the blank stare you get when you do try to talk.

I lost my son to parental alienation and Stockholm syndrome about 10 years ago. No one understands it. Other people insist it must have been something awful I did. I find myself yearning for a simpler, happier time in the past—not that those times were perfect, but they were far better than my life now.

I miss my dog, who I put down last year, terribly, and even though I have other pets, the old fellow I lost was my best friend and my last link to another life that is now gone. After a decade of financial struggle and tremendous stress, I know where I want to be in the future, but the gap between there and where I am now is still enormous.

I live alone in a rural area and sold my car to make rent a few months ago. Surviving the holidays has become my immediate goal. I met my half sister roughly 22 years ago and I have been in grief for last couple odd months when she told my sister the family could all go to hell. That obviously meant me too. I spent much of my free time with her and she was my coffee buddy. The grief has anger wrapped up in it. The day after I was nearly burned alive by an error of judgment heart broken.

How could anyone ask me to walk away from my whole family it is large for them? If only she could have lived in the here and now and make the most of the family she had. There is no way back. Thank you for putting a name to this horrible feeling that overcomes me at all times now after caring for my adult child with a severe mental illness for several years.

I am so sad that the brilliant, fun, talkative, creative person is gone and I am so angry at what is left behind. I have fixed things my whole life , but I cannot fix this. As I sit staring at 5 bankers boxes of medical records, tests, experimental treatments I realize that I have failed but have no more energy to look further. Right now, the hardest thing is the pretending to the world that everything is ok. The best way to describe this feeling is that I am standing outside watching my house burn down, and the postman wants to chat about what beautiful weather we are having today.

I just want to scream, and scream. But when you do scream, you will lose your friends because they have never heard of ambiguous grief and they understandably feel that you are just an ungrateful friend who does not appreciate them. They say that living with the stress of caring for a mentally ill adult will end your social life and your marriage.

I am doing my best to hold onto my marriage. We are both under this stress. The part about your house burning and the postman wanting to chat.. What a good description of exactly how it feels. Thank you Cheri for validating my feelings, that I sometimes feel are crazy thoughts. I read your poem the Glass, so true and well stated.

I hope today is a good day for you and your family, as the holidays are very hard. My best. I am grieving ambiguously for a loved one who is definitely alive. I have been for many years. However, this is the first website I have found on the topic. I have had little support outside of therapists. My loved one and I were very close for many years. But, her choices have proved too much for me to understand or bear. I do not hear from her, though I reach out. She is caught up in delusions. She has become caught up in what is called religious bypassing.

In other words, being in touch with her own feelings proves too scary, so she bypasses those feelings and connects outside herself to self-made perceptions of God.

She describes herself as a prophet of God. She scares me. I love the person I once knew deeply. But, that person no longer exists. It is extremely sad. Thank you for suggestions of making a scrapbook. I intend to do. Thank you for acknowledgment that I need to remember who she was. I am in the same situation. Terribly sad and hard to grieve this situation. I recently found out the truth about a dear friend. I wanted to believe we just lost contact over the years, and she just had t reached out. Last night I finally found out what has happened to her.

I was shocked denial I guess to see she had an arrest record. Just last week she was arrested in Santa Monica, ca for sleeping in a public park. Not my friend. The beautiful soul, tough as nails, one of the strongest people I knew. We met when we were young and instantly clicked.